While a simple act should not define a life, it can change the trajectory for the lives of others.

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On the eve of my 50th birthday, while traveling on a flight from NY to CA, what should have been a joyous occasion turned into a life changing reality for me and my family. Upon landing, I received multiple missed calls, I knew it could not be good news. In a matter of hours, I had lost my youngest brother and my family dynamic took a drastic turn. My brother, like many, struggled with challenges every day, dealing with the trials of life which included depression, anxiety and addiction. Despite his outgoing personality and a big people connection, he spent many days masking depression and numbing pain behind smiles and substance, finally succumbing to the loss of his life. Despite having a good relationship with my brother, for years I felt I failed him. I was demonized by so many negative thoughts. As the oldest brother, I convinced myself I should have done more, been more. I blamed myself for not being there and wrestled with past mistakes. I had to dig deep and acknowledge my brother was hurting for some time and “I” ultimately could not save him from himself. Devastated, it was hard to accept, but I had to acknowledge the need for self-healing and self-forgiveness to move forward.

The years following my brother’s death has brought great insight to the mental and emotional conditions entangled in depression and addiction. I recognized that despite any genetic propensity, circumstance or situation, when it comes to these challenges, the strength of faith, the need of a support network and sustained resources are key to the choices one makes and the wellness maintained. Acknowledging the need for help, and not being OK, is NOT weakness, its the first step to getting better.